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Michael Owen, he sleeps with the fishes

Dave Bowler

4/17/08

No, it’s not another comedy cock up in Newcastle, the team hotel subsiding into the Tyne. Instead, it’s the new hardline according to Fabio. The England boss has made it perfectly clear that if you don’t want to play for England in the supposedly “meaningless friendlies” coming up in the summer, against the US at Wembley and then in Trinidad, then you clearly don’t want to play in next season’s upcoming World Cup qualifiers either.

Capello insists that all his foot soldiers had better be present and ready for duty for those games. If not, they might wake up to a horse’s head - or worse,
Peter Crouch’s head - in the bed alongside them.

“By the time of the two games, some of the players will have been on holiday for a week already. Do I want to see commitment to England? If a player doesn’t love to play for England, then perhaps he should stay at home.

“Players must love the England shirt and wearing the England shirt. That is all there is to it. If someone doesn’t want to come and play for England, it means they don’t love the shirt enough. And obviously they must prefer to go on holiday.”

No greater love for his country has a man that he is willing to give up being Italian for it. The climate, the women, the food, the women, the art, the women, the football, the women. All vastly superior back in Fabio’s homeland, but like Don Vito Corleone, he has left it all behind him and headed for pastures new in order to forge a newer, better life. And if Fabio can stop being Italian, the fool, then his players had better start really being English.

And how English is Fabio becoming? Already, he has embraced chav culture to the full, suggesting that Wayne Rooney is emblematic of the new England and is a future captain of his country.

Though that might just be a clever trick to ensure Wayne turns up in the summer. After all, all players are equal but some are more equal than others, even under Don Capello. And while a no show from Wes Brown is not the end of the world, and perhaps even a cause for national rejoicing, punishing Rooney with international exile for any potential disappearing act is probably pushing it.

For though England still struggle to find a way to get the very best out of Rooney, there’s little question that he remains the nation’s biggest talent and, at 22, the bedrock of the side for the next two, maybe three World Cups. If they get there.

What is also beyond dispute is that the Wembley date with the United States is a very important fixture indeed after a stuttering start to the Capello reign.

Having the opportunity to work with a squad over a longer period than thus far, it’s important that in that game, England begin to show signs of a coherent structure coming together.

Capello’s encouraging words for Theo Walcott suggests the young Arsenal striker could have a bigger role with England than at the Emirates and he will surely figure in these upcoming games as the Don really looks to put his stamp on the side, hopefully in more successful fashion than the only other Don to take the job - Don Revie.

Fabio doesn’t seem to be the kind of man who will put as much store in superstition however, while carpet bowls and bingo are almost certainly going to be off the agenda for the squad.

It’s a fascinating little period in prospect. Will David Beckham add cap 101? It seems unlikely that Capello will jettison him just yet, but the former England captain is living on borrowed time, an opinion his uninspired opening to the MLS season only reinforces.

How will the Lampard / Gerrard question be resolved? Are we really going to move forward with David James as England’s goalkeeper or is the Italian going to bite the bullet and go for a younger accident waiting to happen?

And, returning to where we started, how do England get the very best from Wayne Rooney? What system do we employ? Who do we pair him with?

Or is the answer very simple, very Sicilian? Get Michel Platini in a room with the Don and Stuart Pearce, give him English citizenship papers for Cristiano Ronaldo, then tell him that either his signature or his brains will be on the paperwork. It’s an offer he can’t refuse.

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